I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
Report us click here- Report Abuse
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
I want to share with you my experience, which was painful and shocking for me - a real trauma actually.
I was already 5 years Swamiji's faithful disciple, making Sadhana at 4 am every day, full of faith and Love towards him, very innocent and pure, with very high ideals. I was 14 years old when I took mantra. And I took everything very seriously. When I was 19-20 I came to Jadan ashram in India. Swamiji's master Paramhans Madhavananda was still alive and when I stepped into the ashram I ran directly to salute both him and Swamiji. I bowed down and they blessed me and saluted me very kindly. My heart was full of joy and happiness. In the evening we had Satsang and after that one girl came to me and whispered in my ear "Swamiji is calling you"...my heart jumped, I was afraid and happy at the same time. He is calling ME? What he wants from me? Wow, he is calling me! What will happen? - I always wished to be closer to him and not only to be part of a crowd.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
I want to share with you my experience, which was painful and shocking for me - a real trauma actually.
I was already 5 years Swamiji's faithful disciple, making Sadhana at 4 am every day, full of faith and Love towards him, very innocent and pure, with very high ideals. I was 14 years old when I took mantra. And I took everything very seriously. When I was 19-20 I came to Jadan ashram in India. Swamiji's master Paramhans Madhavananda was still alive and when I stepped into the ashram I ran directly to salute both him and Swamiji. I bowed down and they blessed me and saluted me very kindly. My heart was full of joy and happiness. In the evening we had Satsang and after that one girl came to me and whispered in my ear "Swamiji is calling you"...my heart jumped, I was afraid and happy at the same time. He is calling ME? What he wants from me? Wow, he is calling me! What will happen? - I always wished to be closer to him and not only to be part of a crowd.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
The girl brought me into his apartment and left me there alone. He came and took my hand. "Come", he said and we went on the roof of the white house in Jadan. He was asking me about the travel how it was and so on, very kindly, very sweetly, all the time holding my hand and we talked and we walked: I was feeling so happy and so close to him... for me he was more than mother, father, any friend, he was my everything! We climbed into the cupola of a white house and there he had a wooden bed. The room was dark. Only one candle flame was burning...he sat on his bed and I set by his feet. He said "Come here", and he hugged me. Then he said: "Look into my eyes", and I looked and tried to fall into his eyes. It took a few minutes, he was smiling and I was trying to melt with him. All the background of theory and brainwashing of who he is was popping out of my mind. But in this moment the other girl came from somewhere. The intimate feeling was disturbed. She sat at his feet and I was still only a few centimeters away from his face, staring into his eyes, feeling a little discomfort by her presence. Then he asked me: "What do you give me?" and smiled... after a few seconds of thinking I answered: "I give you my mind." "Only?", he replayed? I felt, if I give him my mind, I give him everything. What can I give him more? I was ashamed that that was all I can give...he was waiting...than I said: "I give you my heart. "Only?" he said, ..."my body and soul" I started to repeat some sentences from the prayer only to satisfy him...ok now he was satisfied! He hugged me again and I was somehow feeling ashamed and confused and the presence of the girl in the room started to unsettle me, specially when I saw something strange going on...she started to lick his fingers!!!! What the f. is going on??? I was in shock. What? Hey, whats happening here? My heart became cold, in my mind red lamps started to blink as for the alarm. I was paralyzed! Swamiji said to me: "This is what you wanted, no? You always wanted this. NO NO NO NOOOO the answer was screaming in me. I just couldnt believe this was really happening. And in the meantime the girl was pulling down my trousers!
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
Ah, I forgot to say, that this was my first sexual experience in my life. I was working on becoming a Swami and to finish the cycle of life and death in this lifetime: Sex was for me something that Saints are not doing, especially not my Swamiji!
He was on me with his big belly and I was paralyzed and in shock. God, what a disappointment! He asked me if I was a virgin and I said yes. In my head I was repeating on and on "You bastard, you old bastard! - He changed his mind to penetrate in me and pushed my head towards his penis instead and he said: Drink it. I thought I would vomit.
Report us click here- Report Abuse
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
I want to share with you my experience, which was painful and shocking for me - a real trauma actually.
I was already 5 years Swamiji's faithful disciple, making Sadhana at 4 am every day, full of faith and Love towards him, very innocent and pure, with very high ideals. I was 14 years old when I took mantra. And I took everything very seriously. When I was 19-20 I came to Jadan ashram in India. Swamiji's master Paramhans Madhavananda was still alive and when I stepped into the ashram I ran directly to salute both him and Swamiji. I bowed down and they blessed me and saluted me very kindly. My heart was full of joy and happiness. In the evening we had Satsang and after that one girl came to me and whispered in my ear "Swamiji is calling you"...my heart jumped, I was afraid and happy at the same time. He is calling ME? What he wants from me? Wow, he is calling me! What will happen? - I always wished to be closer to him and not only to be part of a crowd.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
I want to share with you my experience, which was painful and shocking for me - a real trauma actually.
I was already 5 years Swamiji's faithful disciple, making Sadhana at 4 am every day, full of faith and Love towards him, very innocent and pure, with very high ideals. I was 14 years old when I took mantra. And I took everything very seriously. When I was 19-20 I came to Jadan ashram in India. Swamiji's master Paramhans Madhavananda was still alive and when I stepped into the ashram I ran directly to salute both him and Swamiji. I bowed down and they blessed me and saluted me very kindly. My heart was full of joy and happiness. In the evening we had Satsang and after that one girl came to me and whispered in my ear "Swamiji is calling you"...my heart jumped, I was afraid and happy at the same time. He is calling ME? What he wants from me? Wow, he is calling me! What will happen? - I always wished to be closer to him and not only to be part of a crowd.
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
The girl brought me into his apartment and left me there alone. He came and took my hand. "Come", he said and we went on the roof of the white house in Jadan. He was asking me about the travel how it was and so on, very kindly, very sweetly, all the time holding my hand and we talked and we walked: I was feeling so happy and so close to him... for me he was more than mother, father, any friend, he was my everything! We climbed into the cupola of a white house and there he had a wooden bed. The room was dark. Only one candle flame was burning...he sat on his bed and I set by his feet. He said "Come here", and he hugged me. Then he said: "Look into my eyes", and I looked and tried to fall into his eyes. It took a few minutes, he was smiling and I was trying to melt with him. All the background of theory and brainwashing of who he is was popping out of my mind. But in this moment the other girl came from somewhere. The intimate feeling was disturbed. She sat at his feet and I was still only a few centimeters away from his face, staring into his eyes, feeling a little discomfort by her presence. Then he asked me: "What do you give me?" and smiled... after a few seconds of thinking I answered: "I give you my mind." "Only?", he replayed? I felt, if I give him my mind, I give him everything. What can I give him more? I was ashamed that that was all I can give...he was waiting...than I said: "I give you my heart. "Only?" he said, ..."my body and soul" I started to repeat some sentences from the prayer only to satisfy him...ok now he was satisfied! He hugged me again and I was somehow feeling ashamed and confused and the presence of the girl in the room started to unsettle me, specially when I saw something strange going on...she started to lick his fingers!!!! What the f. is going on??? I was in shock. What? Hey, whats happening here? My heart became cold, in my mind red lamps started to blink as for the alarm. I was paralyzed! Swamiji said to me: "This is what you wanted, no? You always wanted this. NO NO NO NOOOO the answer was screaming in me. I just couldnt believe this was really happening. And in the meantime the girl was pulling down my trousers!
I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before. I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
You can't even imagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years.
Join us with your story, your identity shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable.
Ah, I forgot to say, that this was my first sexual experience in my life. I was working on becoming a Swami and to finish the cycle of life and death in this lifetime: Sex was for me something that Saints are not doing, especially not my Swamiji!
He was on me with his big belly and I was paralyzed and in shock. God, what a disappointment! He asked me if I was a virgin and I said yes. In my head I was repeating on and on "You bastard, you old bastard! - He changed his mind to penetrate in me and pushed my head towards his penis instead and he said: Drink it. I thought I would vomit.
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